I’ve noticed this movement lately of people being closed to feedback. When asked: “Can I give you some feedback on that?”, they don’t brace for impact; they politely say “No”.

If you’re taking this approach (or want to!), I can see your point. I don’t think it’s good to open ourselves up to feedback from just anyone. And just because someone has an opinion of us, it doesn’t mean we should change ourselves to be more palatable or acceptable to them.

Having said that, it can be so difficult for us to assess whether we’re coming across as intended. (Cue my disbelief at some of the feedback I’ve received from my kids!)

That is where feedback can be so useful. It can help us assess the gap between what we’re intending and how we’re perceived; consider the tweaks we might make to our behaviour to close that gap; and expand our view of ourselves by uncovering strengths we didn’t know we had…

As long as…

The feedback/feedforward is delivered well, by people we trust and respect, and ideally, at our request.

Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.